It has been one week since my life changed forever.

In some ways, this has been the longest week of my life. In others, the time has flown by.

The tears come and go. They pop up at the most random times. Usually when I see something that makes me think “I have to send that to my mom.”

That made last Saturday especially difficult.

She and I were looking forward to watching the live stream of the Taylor Hawkins tribute concert. On Saturday, I put my phone on do not disturb and watched it alone. All six hours. And it was phenomenal. She would have absolutely loved it.

I picked up my phone to text her when Wolfgang Van Halen shredded like his dad. I wanted to call her when Queen came on, Rufus Taylor looking like Taylor reincarnated. I bawled when Brian May sang Love of My Life. I ugly cried when they sang Somebody to Love, one of her favorites.

One week.

I’m still trying to navigate this new way of living. Thank God for Sephora. She is right there with kitty cuddles exactly when I need them.

One week.

Oh how I miss you so.

Last week, I lost my mom.

I still don’t believe that it’s real. I’ve made arrangements at the funeral home and have told the people who need to know, but it still hasn’t truly sunk in that she’s gone.

This is the part about being an adult that they don’t warn you about. I have never gone through anything like this before. It’s truly the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

I’m devastated. I’m heartbroken. And I’m grateful. I’m so grateful that we made the decision to bring my mom to Louisville almost three years ago. I’m grateful that I got to spend this time with her. I was with her when she passed. It would have been SO MUCH worse had I gotten that heartbreaking phone call from Texas that she was gone.

I’m also grateful to have the amazing support system I do – both here in Louisville and with my family in Texas.

I’m trying to take things one hour – one day at a time. Luckily I work at a place that knows a little bit about that.

I’m trying to adjust to the new normal – but I know it will take awhile. These past few days have been the longest days of my life. I’m planning to stay home for a couple of weeks as I adjust, doing some work from home so that I can distract myself when I need to. My boss and my team have been amazing. I’m thankful that they have my back.

The grief hits in weird ways. I keep reaching for my phone to call my mom or send her a text. Even when she was in Texas, there wasn’t a day where I didn’t talk to her at least once. I think that’s going to be the hardest part of all of this.

I’ve cried. God, have I cried. I’ve also found strength that I didn’t know I had. I’ll be pulling from that more in the future. For now, I’ll take advantage of the extra cuddles and loving that Sephora has been giving me.

I’m cautiously optimistic heading into the new year. Each year brings change and I’m hopeful that this year’s change will be for the better. We’ll see.

For the past few years, I have chosen a word of the year to guide me. I’m not doing that this year. I’m just glad to have survived. Things have been tough on all of us and I’m happy to have made it through.

Heading into the new year, creativity is what is on my mind. I want to create more – whether in my journals, on this blog, or even making progress when it comes to writing. I have the ideas. I have the vision. I just have to work on the follow through.

That’s the hard part for me simply because I feel tired all the time. When I get home from work, I just want to spend time with my mom and Sephora before getting into bed and doing it all again. I have little motivation to do anything else. That’s one of the things I’m working on in 2022.

It’s all about progress, not perfection. I can’t wait to see how much progress I make during my 43rd year.

So yeah, it’s been a hot minute.

2021 has been… something.

The good news is that I’m starting to find that creative spark again so I’m going to *hopefully* be updating this thing more than once or twice a year.

Starting slowly with a header refresh and updated favorite shop links. We’ll see where it goes from here.

17 days into the new year, I’m tired y’all. I was so optimistic about the start of a new year that we all desperately needed… but so far, my intentions for 2021 have remained just that.

One of my goals for the new year was to write more, including blogging more often. Considering today is January 17th and this is my first post since January 1st, you can tell how that’s going. But that’s okay. The good thing is that there is a lot of 2021 left. I haven’t been writing for 30 minutes a day either, but I am doing a little here and there. It’s a start. I’m not stressing about not being exactly where I want to be 17 days into the new year. Progress is being made.

Progress, not perfection.

We all need to give ourselves a little grace. 2020 and 2021 aren’t your ordinary years. Just surviving and doing your best are huge accomplishments.

How are you doing with your 2021 goals so far?

Well, we survived 2020. That’s truly quite an accomplishment. I’m cautiously optimistic about 2021, but who the hell knows how that will turn out.

There were a lot of questionable things that happened in the past 366 days, but one thing that was never in doubt was my job. I’m thankful for that. I know that I’m lucky to have a job that I love at a place that truly cares about its employees. Working from home for much of the year was different. It was challenging. But we survived.

I view the new year as a time to reset. I think that’s something many of us need. Personally, I’m looking to reset creatively. My planner fell by the wayside for much of last year because, 2020. But I missed it. I missed creating spreads in my bullet journal that I could look back on. So I’ve started a new notebook for the new year. Sure I had room left in my old one, but if any new year needed a new planner it’s this one.

I’ve chosen create as my word of the year. Not only do I want to create in my bullet journal, I want to get back to creative writing. So among my goals for 2021 are to write at least 30 minutes a day, blog more, and participate in NaNoWriMo in November.

Non-creative goals I have for this year are to track my spending. My big accomplishment in 2020 (besides surviving it) was that I paid off allllllllll of my credit card debt. FINALLY. That is something I have struggled with my entire adult life and conquering that at age 41 feels freaking amazing. The only debt I have left is my student loans. Those can kiss my ass. I’ll pay my minimums and not worry about it. *shrug*

I hope that 2021 treats us all better… of course it doesn’t have to do much to beat the low standard 2020 set.

What are some of your goals for the new year?

Long time, no talk. I know it has been awhile and I’m not going to lie – I’m having a bit of a tough time. I know I’m not alone.

I’m an introvert. I always have been. While it has been kind of nice staying home with my mom and the cat, I miss my friends and my co-workers. One of my closest friends at work is about to have a baby and I haven’t been able to see her in two months and probably won’t until after she gets back from maternity leave.

I haven’t touched my planner since my last full day in the office. That was March 13th. I miss it, but I have zero motivation. I’ve been to the office once since then to pick up a few things and I have been getting out about once a week to run to Walmart or Kroger to pick up my grocery order. That’s pretty much it. I’m just glad that I have a cat and not kids. I don’t know how you parents are doing it. For real.

I haven’t been motivated to do much of anything except work and playing the Sims. That is one thing I did for myself – I used my stimulus money (and some Amazon rewards) to buy a new laptop specifically to play the Sims… and of course the game and some packs (well, most of them *shrug*). I’m okay with that. Mostly. Most days, I don’t even want to open Instagram – and that’s unheard of for me.

I’m struggling.

Kentucky is starting to re-open next week, but it’s likely that I won’t go back to the office until the end of the month at the earliest. (Happy birthday to me? Maybe?)

Until then, I’m going to get the work done that I need to get done, play Sims, and soak up the Sephora cuddles… whenever she gives them. She’s a cat after all.

How are you doing? Are you hanging in there? If you ever need to talk, don’t hesitate to reach out.

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P.S. I know many states have put orders into place that you have to wear a face covering when you’re out in public. If you’re looking for some, hit up my friend Beth at Woodland Cottage Farm on Etsy and support a small business. She has some that are cute as hell. She just released some that have neck straps vs. ear straps so I had to grab a few of those up.

Note: I don’t get anything for posting this – I just want to help a friend.

I’m 40 years old and I just got my first speeding ticket. 🙈

Yeah. So that was fun. At least I had a kind officer who made it much easier on me than it could have been.

I was on my way home from work when I looked behind me and saw an unmarked car with police lights on the dashboard. They weren’t on when I saw him behind me, but as soon as I got over and he followed I knew I was fucked.

But. It’s not as bad as it could have been. For real.

$179 and a 2-hour online traffic class and I’ll be able to dismiss the ticket and not have it reported to insurance. Honestly, I’m super lucky it hasn’t happened before now.

24 years of driving without a ticket. The streak had to end some time.

2020? How the hell did that happen?

As I laid in bed watching Friends on Netflix last night waiting for the ball to drop, I realized that I’m now in my sixth decade on Earth… even though I turned 40 in May. 😳😳😳 That really got me thinking about the year ahead.

I know a lot of you may have set some resolutions for the new year, and the new decade, but I decided to do something a little differently. I set myself a few goals, one of which is to keep up with this blog on a regular basis.

Another goal I have for this year is to pay off some debts and actually budget. That means being purposeful with each dollar I spend. That’s why I chose purpose as my word of the year.

I’ve been part of the planner community going on five years now and I have accumulated A LOT of stuff. More than I will ever use. Purposeful spending means that I won’t buy every shiny new thing that comes along… because I know what works for me and what doesn’t. That doesn’t mean I’m putting myself on a strict no spend. I know myself and I know that a no spend will fail pretty quickly. So I’m planning a low spend. We’ll see how that goes.

Do you have a word of the year for 2020? Share it in the comments below!

Thanks to Laura Saxton from The Amber Locket for the customized word of the year graphic!

*blows dust off of WordPress*

Well hello there! It’s been awhile for sure… but heading into a new year – heck a new decade – I wanted a place to sit and write. It is what I love to do. Blogging has brought me such joy in the past so here we are.

You may find a little bit of everything here – especially planners. My bullet journal is what keeps my life together.

Here’s to an amazing 2020!